Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Ebay enquiry

The PR Secretary was selling a H100 on Ebay, so someone (ahem) asked the following question about it on the messaging service

 I'm planning on going to Kazakstan, and was going to take a Hongdu, but this looks just the ticket. I can't afford it, would you swap it for a bathroom suite in avocado, and a blue crushed velvet bar stool with a fag burn in it? Oh, and a signed copy of 'Sobatmas News'?

Bogney Trotter


The reply is epic 

Dear Bogney
I've read with great interest about your planned trip and current financial predicament pertaining to said foray and must admit, normally I wouldn't condone such blatant acts of utter stupidity, let alone be party to any such wank. But, after a recent severe blow to the head from a rather sharp claw hammer in a freak sewing accident, I now find myself in the position where I find the whole ' Going to Kazakhstan on a Hongdu with no money ' rather beguiling and bewitching and I imagine, just a little hint of indecent mesmo.
So as a result, I am willing to offer my fullest support for your now, what I believe, courage's en-devour and can make available forthwith said motorcycle for your use on on all accounts that prove inevitably, to be irrevocably unaccountable or morally unobtainable .
In return, all I ask is this:
1) Please could you not talk about, impersonate or dress up as Elvis for a whole day
2) Can you sing a 'song of sixspence' in a public place but charge £4.87 for it.
3) Step into your own shadow and shout ' Spit, spit, dirty spit, feltcho' in the style of Les Dennis
4) Take my trousers down to the dry cleaners and ask them who they belong to

I know, given the inherent complexity of these circumstances, these seem like poultry requests, but my fetish for chicken has long been my Achilles toe and your simple efforts would go some way to quelling the seasoned mist that hangs over my left shoulder like a box set of 'Where's my salad cream?'. I do hope all the effort I have gone to here on your behalf will be greatly misconstrued and branded a liabless misnomer in a small claims church

Thanks, for everything yet nothing at all

Quiche BIiggary 3rd MBA,MBB, MBC MBD TWAT

P.S Signed copy of 'Sobatmas News' is in the post

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